Student Council President
I beat my best friend for the office of student council president in the sixth grade.My speech was based on the Jon Lovitz, “That’s the Ticket” character.
It was hilarious.
I was not the most qualified man for the job.
I brought shame to the office.
I got kicked out of school on the last day of that year for calling a girl a “bitch” at recess.
My opponent, my best friend at the time, was beaten only by the speech.
He was a fine, upstanding young man who most certainly would have taken his duties as student council president much more seriously.
He would have also most certainly clenched the nomination had I not so slyly executed that side-splitting speech.
I was just not as mature and businesslike as was my friend.
I was just not capable of taking anything too seriously at that stage in my development.
Beside that, my parents had divorced that year and I was desperate for acceptance.
That thing was a great way for me to remind myself that I was loved and wanted.
Being student council president fucking rocked.
After my term in office the administration appended a strict rule to student council nomination speeches.
The rule ~ NO Funny Speeches.
That friend has just moved to Austin.
I have not talked to him yet.
We stayed friends after elementary school but I have not talked to him in about nine years.
I have sent him two e-mails requesting that he contact me.
I think I’m gonna beat him to the punch and call him.
I hope he is not still holding on to that sixth grade grudge.
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