Bachelor
Oh by the way... I QUIT. Do you hear that Universe? I Fucking Quit. No more searching for love from me...The Deputy
Matthew Rampage
Does hereby cease and desist ALL attempts at finding love in this god for fucking saken excuse for an existence. Not that I was trying that hard lately. I haven't chatted anyone up in quite a while. But seriously, I am through with trying to date, I am through with passionate love-making, I am through with the false hope that someone is going to come into my life someday and "complete me." Oh sure, I had given up on "true love" a long time ago. And sure I am still young. But I have essentially already become a bitter shallow shell of my former Romantic self. I would just like to make it official. And what could be more official than a blog proclamation. Well here it is. I QUIT.
No more "Hey baby what's your name, what's your sign, Oh Leo huh, I like Leo, can I have your phone number baby, you look smokin' in that tight halter and low cut jeans, baby you are the finest thing in town, maybe I could call you sometime and we could get to know each other and blah blah blah..." No more game. No more takin it to the hole. Fuckit.
I'm going to cultivate my crab apple side, yeah that's it, I'm going to be a grumpy old man at the ripe age of 30 (in two years that is). I am going to get me a scary dog that will terrify the neighborhood kids. I am going to shave my head for the least amount of hassle and the most amount of baldness. The Old Bachelor people will call me. People will whisper, "that's The Old Bachelor, oh he never married, and no children, poor Old Bachelor he must be so lonely, pity pity pity." I think I'll pick up a few new bad habits and I am for fucking sure canceling my gym membership. I am going to let my nose and ear hair flourish and I am throwing out my nail clippers. I am going to start buying identical sets of clothes and I will wear the same thing day after day. I think I'll do a blue jeans and black polo shirt with black boots look for this year. I think I will look for an internet site that can officially marry me to my cable box, that way when people ask, "were you ever married?" I can answer morosely, "I was once, then I got a satellite dish."
This will give me a chance to pursue my interests. Which should prove insightful for the fact that everything I have been interested in up til this critical juncture in my life has hinged around girls,or women, or dames, or boobs and butts. So lets see, I like art, nope that's not true, I just thought girls liked artists. Uh lets see, I like music, no that's not true it just seemed that where there was music there would be girls. I like reading, no that's not true either, I just always wanted to seem well read around girls. Well see, this is a great opportunity to discover the real me. I think I'm gonna find that I just like eating meat and killing stuff. Am I too old to join the armed forces? At any rate, this is a breakthrough. If you have enjoyed my flowery writing in the past then too fucking bad, that's all over now. I was just doing all that stuff to impress girls, in hopes of finding someone to love. You better go into my archives and copy and paste for your own records cause that Deputy is dead. Its a whole new day. Viva la bitterness.
I QUIT
if you give a damn or wish to change my mind or maybe you are an ex girlfriend and you wanna have sex with me one more time before I throw out my nail clippers please write me at
matthewrampage@hotmail.com
yar
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