28.4.04

Formative

There were a few formative moments in my path to becoming an artist. Moments from my childhood that I can remember with a clarity that most new VHS tapes don't even posses. VHS is a notoriously shitty format but then again so is memory. The first formative moment that I can recall came in first grade. I was a bit of a troublemaker and I had the feeling like I just couldn't do anything right. Well, I think it was around Halloween and our teacher announced a monster drawing contest. I worked really hard on my monster drawing. I should know what a monster looks like, at the time I had no less than 15 monsters inhabiting my room. Well I won the contest and I got a certificate and my mom framed my drawing. For the first time in school, I felt like I did something right and my teacher, Mrs. Norsworthy, seemed proud of me for the first time. But that's not the moment that I came here to tell.
This is what I was thinking of~
Flash forward to second grade, Mrs McLaughlin. What a mean old bitch. Yeah that's right if you are out there Mrs. McLaughlin you were the worst teacher I ever had. So there we were, I think it was about the middle of the year cause I had come to grips with what a Grouchy Groucherson Mrs. McLaughlin was. We were coloring something and it was for an assignment. I was sitting next to my friend Chad. Hey Chad, if you are out there Whassup. I was mixing crayons on the page to create new colors. I was never one for following the rules and staying inside the lines or any of that crap. The colors provided to us were limited and so I was improvising and mixing two colors to create new colors. Chad must have thought this a capitol idea and so he too began to mix the crayons. All of the sudden I could feel the glare of the beast behind us. Mrs McLaughlin leaned down to Chad and said~
"You are doing that wrong."
Chad, with some amount of confusion, retorted in his defense~
"But that's the way Matthew is doing it."
And she said~
"Well Matthew is doing it WRONG."
I couldn't believe it. First I couldn't believe that she didn't even address me on the subject. She just said it out loud so I could hear in what I can only guess was her attempt at being sly. Moreover I can't believe that she would discourage that kind of spirit of innovation. I was pissed. I don't think I'll ever forget the contempt in her voice and how she chose to pick on my friend instead of me the real culprit. Doing it wrong eh Mrs Bitcherson. Well I'll show you. I will become the greatest artist of my generation then we'll see who is doing it wrong. I haven't achieved that goal yet but I am an artist and if I am doing it wrong, I don't wanna be right.

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