Diligent
Some time, sooner or later, I am going to have to address my...alcoholism... Yeah that's right I said Imma gonna have to do something about my..,
alcoholism.
Maybe not today and maybe not this weekend and maybe I won't have to do anything drastic at all but something may just have to be done. I was kicking it with my homie Kelon last night and we were at Maudies drinking some sub-par margaritas and I put this statement to him and he was all "Well how often do you drink." and I said "Daily."
I love the looks on peoples faces when I tell them that. I don't seem like the type. I hold down my job and my drinking never really gets in the way of the shit I have to do. You might know me for years and never really see me hammered. You might always see me with a beer in my hand but rarely will you catch me shit faced. But at the end of the day, everyday I want at least one beer. One thing that might impair my forward progress is the fact that I work for the Coors Brewing Corporation. I design and print signs for Coors of Austin and one of the outstanding benefits of my job is a lot of free beer. Which is a good thing as long as you or I in this case moderate my intake.
Another thing that might hamper a swift recovery is the fact that I am one of those biological/hereditary alcoholics. I received my addictive personality from my dad's family. When we get together we drink. It makes holidays with that family a whole hella of a lot better. In this vein I am the worst kind of alcoholics. I, much like my grandfather Arthur, am the kind of alcoholic who always has to have a beverage in his or her hand. During the day I swill water so that's good. You have to hydrate so that in the evening you can fully enjoy the dehydration process.
Oh... another thing that might keep me from diligently addressing this personal problem that I am making public is the fact that I like to drink. I like whiskey and I like vodka. I like beer and I like wine. I like gin and tonics and I like dirty martinis. Sometimes I start thinking about bloody mary's about mid-day and my throat constricts and my mouth starts watering and I start counting off the seconds until happy hour and I think I might just fucking die if I don't get a bloody soon. I wish I hadn't even started talking about that. I like margaritas, I like mojitos and the Guiness, well I like it too much. I am writing a song about my favorite vodka Tito's. That's love. Its not that I particularly like being drunk I just like getting drunk. Its the initial rush or that primary change of headspace that I do so adore.
Oh yeah another stumbling block on my way to becoming a teetotaler is that alcohol is so damn accessible in our stupid broken society. I have to be a criminal to smoke the blessed ganja but I can't go to the grocery store with being bombarded by advertising for booze and who can pass up Tecate 12 pack cans for $7.99. So many social events center around the consumption of liquor. In order to meet new people at least here in Austin Texas you go to a bar. And what is a bar I might ask? A bar is a place where people go to do drugs. That drug is ethyl alcohol. The whole focus of the bar, the whole procession of the proceedings is based around a guy who stands behind a chest high counter and doles out the legal drug to the law abiding patrons. The best part of the stupid fucked up infrastructure at least here in Texas is this
~They say~ Don't Drink and Drive, if you do you will lose your license and you will be fined to the hilt and if you do it again you will go to jail
~But~ Come out to Billy Bob's on Highway 71 for nickel beer night.
Fucked Up but not my point.
My problem isn't drinking and driving, that can be avoided, my real problem is just drinking whenever I feel like it. In the past that was the best way to deal with my alcoholic tendencies. You see if I have a drink or two whenever I feel like it helps me keep from binge drinking. But two beers in the evening on a weeknight has changed to four or five and the weekends get into double digits before 8pm sometimes. So what to do? Well I figure I have three choices
1. Stop drinking. This is the least attractive option for me right now cause I like drinking and at the end of the day things really aren't that out of control.
2. Moderate my intake better which may include not drinking at all like three days a week. This is the option that I am really considering. Its a compromise. It is something that I think I could do it will just be novel cause since the spring of 1996 I have been hitting the bottle on a daily basis. C'est La Vie.
3. Drink myself to death. You know what I mean, just like it sounds, just like in Leaving Las Vegas. Just go at it whole hog. Abandon my job and my family and become what amounts to a modern American hobo with a death wish. This option, although it sounds fun, prolly ain't the best way to go. Its kind of a defeatist attitude and a sucka way to handle things and I'm just not going out like that.
So I'm just gonna press on and thanks for letting me get this out. They say the first step is admitting that you have a problem and well I think I laid it on the table.
tabula rossa
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