10.5.04

The Feds

The G-Men loved me. They thought I was a hoot. I was meeting with four federal agents and the prosecutor from the Attorney Generals office. They led me through the questions that I would be asked on the stand. The next day I was set to testify in front of a federal grand jury about my time of possession of a specific videotape. Specifically it was a tape of debate preparation that featured the governor and his advisors. The governor was running for president.
And you guys are all like “Geez Deputy, back it up a bit, what the hell are you talking about.” And I’m all like, “OK let me start from the beginning, the beginning of the summer of 2000.”
I had just gotten a job as Machine Room Operator at 501 Post in Austin Texas. My job was to assist the editors and dub tapes and enjoy the air-conditioned luxury of the machine room. 2000 was an election year. The nation was still firmly cradled in the blessed throes of Democratic peace and prosperity. Who knew how much we would miss the Clinton years? I was feeling particularly disenfranchised as a voter that year and was really put off on the whole two party system and the American political process in general. I had decided that I was a-political. The current administration has changed my mind. But that’s another story.
A company called Maverick Media was handling the Bush campaign. They were subcontracting us for technical services. Basically they were just using our high-end equipment. I’m sure it was because we were the lowest bidder like everything else. No one at the post house was happy about helping Bush but it was a lot of business and at the end of the day the chickens didn’t get to make the decision. So we made countless dubs for the Bush campaign. Some of those dubs were copies of debate preparation. Debate preparation consisted of the governor and his advisors going over the questions that might come up in a political debate usually taped in a fairly casual context. That summer I was way more concerned with Nelly’s Country Grammar album than I was with any presidential bollocks. Besides feeling disenfranchised I was totally nonplussed about the choices. I never paid any attention to any of the campaign bullshit. My only viewing of the tapes would be a glance at the beginning and the end in checking to maintain picture and sound quality.
There was one of those debate preparation tapes that caught my eye. It featured the governor and his advisors in what looked a non descript apartment. I took notice of this one in particular because ~ brace yourself ~ George Bush, our president, governor of Texas at the time, was wearing jeans, sandals and a Curious George tee shirt. You know Curious George, the curious little monkey of children’s book fame. We all know and love him and I guess the governor did too. I thought that was pretty funny. I mean it was cool, the governor never intended for that tape to air in any capacity. I planned to just tuck away that little bit of knowledge and break it out at parties and other social gatherings where liberals needed a laugh. Unfortunately that would be entered by my admission into federal testimony.
At the end of August there was a campaign scandal. Someone had stolen a tape of debate preparation from the Bush camp and sent it to the Gore campaign. The Gore people straightaway cried foul and an investigation was launched. They said that the feds would be coming around to talk to each of us individually. Well a few weeks passed and nothing happened. The rumors continued to fly and still no sign of a federal agent around 501. I was making preparation to leave Austin and 501 Post and move out to San Francisco. The Russian Princess had gotten a scholarship to do her graduate studies at San Jose State. I went to visit her and fell in love with the bay area. I had been meaning to move to a major metropolitan area after school I just hadn’t chose one till I went to San Fran. As soon as I got back to Austin I announced that I would be leaving in one month. I gave 501 my notice. I made preparations. California here I come.
My last day at 501 Post was on a Friday at the end of September. I had given up hope of meeting a federal agent. We didn’t really know what was going on with that case so I think we had forgotten all about it. We were having a little going away party for me when we got the phone call. Some agents wanted to come interview the employees of 501 Post at 5:30 on a Friday afternoon. The boss, George O’Dwyer, told them that it wasn’t really a good time. He suggested they some in on Monday morning. The feds assented and George came and told us what happened. I should have just kept my mouth shut but being a painfully honest individual I reminded George that I wouldn’t be at work on Monday. So he called them back and told them that it was one of his employees last day. I also mentioned to George that I would be leaving town on Sunday. I was planning to have a yard sale and on Sunday my grandparents were coming to load up the rest of my stuff and that was it I was gone. I heard George on the phone with the feds. They wanted my home phone and address. So he gave it to them. When he got off the line he told me that they might be coming by to talk to me tomorrow. I thought I was going down. It didn’t look too good. Here was this investigation finally getting around to our organization and here I was skipping town, moving to one of the most notoriously liberal and counter culture cities in the nation. I was a little worried. I mean I knew that I had done nothing wrong but it seemed like I was in a good spot if by chance they needed a patsy to take the fall on this thing.
Saturday was a beautiful day. I got up early and had everything out on the lawn. The yard sale went well. I sold most of the stuff I didn’t need and I made some extra money for my trip. Around noon some of my friends showed up and in no time we had empty beverage containers strewn about the yard. We were making the most of my last moments in Austin. A bunch of people came ‘round to say their goodbyes. There was practically a party going on in my front yard. That’s when the G-Man showed up.
He was alone which was a good sign. If I was a real suspect they would have sent two. He drove a non descript sedan. Despite the heat he was impeccably dressed in the classic fed man suit. His name was Mike Biascillo. He was older but sharp both in manner and speech. My drunken friends broke the ice by offering him a beer. He declined and asked that everyone go in the house so he could interview me in private. It was just like in the movies. There was the little notepad and the leading questions and the strategic pauses. It was all pretty straight forward. I could tell that they didn’t think it was me, which was a relief. He was mainly getting a feel for the procedures in the machine room and he wanted to know if indeed I was the one who had made the dubs. My initials were on the invoice in question. I answered his questions and we chatted just a bit due to the lovely weather. He seemed satisfied with my answers and he took as many contact numbers from me as possible. He wanted to make sure they could reach me out in Cali. He left in the same classic fashion that he had entered. It was kind of exciting. Tara took pictures.
A couple of months went by. I was making a little life for myself in San Francisco proper. Then one day I got a call on my cell phone. It was Mike Biascillo. He informed me that they feds needed me to come to Austin and testify in front of a federal grand jury. I was an important material witness. They flew me back to Texas. I had to wear a tie. The day of the testimony was fun. I felt important. Things went just like the prosecutor said they would. It was all pretty straight forward. The two things that stick with me that I said that were entered into federal testimony were these ~
I am a-political, which has changed in the last 4 years…
And
GWB was wearing a Curious George tee shirt during his debate preparations, which probably hasn’t changed.

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