These Plates are Really HOT

when I used to sling Tex Mex at Trudy's, I would take a tray to a table, I would serve the plates, that had been in the enchilada oven, with a potholder, I would say to everyone at the table, at an audible level~
I would say
"Be careful these plates are really HOT..."
like almost 99 per cent of the time
some obvious, oblivious DUMBASS would reach right out grab that plate and say
"Boy that plate sure is HOT."
and I'd be all~
"No Shit"
and I would pretend that it was news to me.


Too Drunk to Fuck

She said "Matthew, what are you doing?"
I replied
Yar, I'm Peeing.




You know you never know what your next Nemesis is going to be named. Until you are introduced, and the friction starts, and then the snowballing, and then the avalanche of grievances. Then one day you wake up and realize that this person has become your greatest enemy, your arch rival, your bitter foe.
And then you say the name...
and then you realize that you never thought you would have a Nemesis by that name.
Strange how life works...