Plain As Day

I have been coming in chronically under potential all my days.
I think I am afraid of success. Success don't jibe with my system of stress management.
The teachers used to always tell me that I wasn't working up to my potential.
No Shit?
If I work up to my potential then folks is going to expect too much of me.
I am blooming at my own pace.
Don't wanna come out of the gates too fast.
Might blow a hammy.

The war in Iraq was a mistake and I think it assures our downfall as the dominant city state of the world.

People will try to put it on you if you let them.

Jessica and Nick were a bad match to begin with but the pressures of celebrity and the scrutiny of the MTV cameras would make dern near any marriage fail.

The End is Nigh, so I am really trying to enjoy myself.

How do you paint a picture of ambition?



Character Flaw #63

I am a bad speller.


Character Flaw #9

Too self-absorbed.



In about a months time I'm gonna be thirty years old and I am so fuckin' psyched.
I have traditionally had a bad attitude about birthdays and the celebrations thereof.
But this year I feel like its really an achievement.

So there's gonna be a party.

I mean.... Can you believe it? Me. Thirty. Hells YES.
Now I don't wanna jinx myself. I'm not there yet. I'm being careful. I'm takin er easy.
I'm gonna make it.

When I was a very young human, the outlook was bleak as far as how old I might become in this lifetime.
You see, I was a very rambunctious child. And I was a reckless teen. And a wild young adult.
But alas, no amount of recreational drug, nor knock on the head, nor shattered glass to the face, has been able to stop my progress a a sentient, living, breathing, eating, sleeping, fucking human.

In other news, I think I am going to start writing about entertainment and current events. It seems to me all of the sudden that I have been terribly self absorbed both in this blog and in life so I'm thinking of branching out and touching topics that touch all our lives.

Like sectarian violence, or the troubles that have befallen the cop from the Village People,
how tragically ironic.




Character Flaw #18

I am what some people would call a "serial opportunist."
Which I think is means that I am disloyal.


Stay Current

Looks like
if I'm gonna stay in vogue
I better get a myspace page.

Jeez I hate it when I fold for the latest fashion.


If Ezra ever reads this
I think "Make Me Eggs" rocks.



Character Flaw #13

I have what they call an addictive personality.



Tide Pools

Oh the ebb and flow of emotion.
How I do love those towering peaks of manic madness.
And oh how I relish those deepest darkest chasms of self loathing stew.

I swing both ways I have to say.

I am still having trouble finding the right shoes. I bought a nice pair of New Balance trail running shoes. The 809's to be exact. New Balance are great cause they come in all those handy widths. But this time I think I went too wide. They felt perfect in the store, and the left one is gonna work out fine, but the right one feels a tad too large. I can kinda compensate with the laces but I think I may cinch them up so much that they can't go any tighter, ya feel me? And I can't believe how different my two feet are from one another. The left one is all bulbous on the top and the right one is kinda flat. But the right one spreads farther out yonder than does the left one. I'm not giving up on this pair. I think I can mold them in place.
I was looking on the interwebnets to find some expert advice on the 'breaking-in' of running shoes, and the opinions vary widely. Almost as much variation as is exhibited between my bi peds.

There is a lot of talk about the Sopranos. I liked the episode. I think the people who didn't like it a. fear change and b. are unimaginative. Those folks just want the classic mobland stories of danger, racketeering and homicide. I think what the Sopranos is about is the things that go on in the life of a mob guy when he's not engaged in all those 'central to his existence/money making activities.' Sometimes you gotta go to the shrink, sometimes you gotta pick up the kids from school, and sometimes after sustaining serious internal injuries and massive blood loss you go into a coma. Now whether or not you like the writers version of purgatory and their interpretation of Tony's life inside his own comatosed limbo, well, that's another beef.

I feel I have been too hard on Mr. Gattis buffet in the last eight or ten years, pretty much avoiding it altogether. The place is still the same, and although it ain't great, it ain't that bad either.
When I was a younger man I would go into the Gattis buffet with the intent on getting my monies worth. That would inevitably lead to some degree of nausea. You just gotta take it easy there and things seem better.
I'm getting more mature.




I want to write about things that to me seem ridiculously obvious.
You know, crap, that you see all the time. The same old shit. Just being perpetrated over and over.
Insanity really.
But base, and basic in a way.
Things that just are, and some people can't seem to see them or grasp them.
Whether it be word or thought or deed.
I don't mean obvious in the sense of apples are red or escalators go up and down or honey is sweet.
I mean things that are both obvious and simple like use your turn signal or say you are sorry or don't eat too much.
Things that are obvious lend themselves to the finding out of many dumb things and dumb people all around.
Obvious things are a magnet for stupidity, they kind of set the standard and weed out the pack.
Not to be judgmental. I am as dumb as the next guy.
But sometimes I think I have a better sense of the obvious than your average joe shmoe.
I say that
but when I sit down to write and set my mind to the task of writing about these aforementioned obvious things I often have a difficult go at it.

I love the Sopranos. The quality that makes that show so engrossing seems elusive.
I love endorphins, they make me feel so good.
I love people, for the most part, and I try to love them all as children of the One.
It is the same energy that made and sustains and fulfills us all.
I love sports. More points less wars.
I love music, I even make it sometimes.
I love art.
I prize it above most human endeavors.
Although I realize it is often quite useless and/or misused in the modern world.
I am a believer in a higher power. I believe there is one true god. One true one.
The God of love and the God of peace.
But the same dude used to be the God of justice and wrath.
I know that god by the name of Jehovah
But I reckon that other names of other god and gods spoken by other tongues of other folks of the human race are embodiments of the same great force or forces that give us life and promises us more than just ourselves
and more than just suffering in the now.
Myths vary but truth is universal.
I believe teh true god is the un-name-able.
I love food, meat and fruits and vegetables. I give thanks to the One who gives us life and energy for our bounty.

I don't like hate or prejudice or pain.
I accept the destructive forces as necessary to balance the planet and cosmos,
but I grieve the passing of leaves and lives and I try to dwell in and on the light.

I think the end of late fees was a great mistake for Blockbuster as a corporation and I wish I had bought some Google stock the second it was first offered.

I believe the interwebnets has us all thinking differently.
Closer to collective consciousness.

I wish people would always use their turn signal.

I think the war and the foreign policy is a mess and I fear for the future.
But then I remember that God is in control and that the design of the universe and the plans of the creator are a process and they must unfurl the way that was set out
long ago.

I drink Tecate and I think beer is a gift from God.
Just don't drink too much.

I wish to see things more clearly.



Character Flaw #47

I am too influenced by the opinions of others.


Missing In Action

I didn't get a wrist band.
I didn't even really try.
I basically missed the whole of SXSW, save for the free show at Auditorium Shores on Thursday. That however, was wicked bad. Blackalicous rocked and ruled the rythm sticks. Spoon was awesome. I liked how their set ebbed and flowed. Echo and the Bunnymen was hella live even though I had never heard them before, but as the set wore on I realized that I had heard them before.
I am very conflicted about my ability to "party" these days.
I am a yound man, and I still want to party. But I wake up so early for work and I get so tired so early in the evening. I have been opting to stay in instead of going out.
One would think "well you must be a responsible adult." This is true, but sometimes this responsible behavior just makes me feel like on old fogey.
This is what I liked about doing crystal. I could stay out late and I was social and I could party till the break of dawn, but it all had to be under the influence of that lethal drug. Now that I am stimulant free I have a hard time getting out and about, especially after 10:30 or so.
I could go on and on about the reasons or excuses but its all up to me and at the moment I am in faliure mode as far as going out late and having fun.
I am not very happy with my decisions.

I am also not very happy about how the average peanut gets treated at local specialty shops (aka runtex and bicycle sport shop).
I'm not an expert. Thats why I am here. Try not to make me feel like an asshole for not immediately knowing what kind of running shoe I need. But moreover ~ fuck off. I'll get my gear somehwere else.

Seems like the whole town was in a bad humor yesterday.

Dreary weekends, sunny beautiful weeks, that's been the cycle lately and its getting old.



Poor Planning

The SXSW music festival has started and I haven't made any arrangements to attend.
I am once again the victim of my own poor planning.
I am so jealous of those people who are in from out of town and don't have anything to do except enjoy the festival.

I am however going to see one of my favorite west coast
yay area
hip hop legends
Free at Auditorium Shores. The place where the dog poo resides. I hope they pick up some of that poo before the concert starts.



Miss Communication

Passive aggression
much like sarcasm
don't come in too clear over e-mail.

ya dig



A truism, by Kidd Matteo

If at first you don't succeed,
lower your standards.


The Future

I'm not a gambling man.
I'm not a psychic.
I can't actually predict the future.


With the way things are going in the world.
The immediate future is sure to be action packed.