Shiner Girls
Man I had a hoot with the Shiner Girls last night
I wouldn't call it a full-on hootenanny
and I'm not sure if'n anybody else was havin
as much fun as me
but I had a hoot
Went to Maneesh's spot right after work
more than a few seven and sevens were imbibed
We sat there and got sauced and forgot to eat dinner
and had that age old "what are we gonna do tonight" convo
and before we knew it the Shiner Girls
one "Party Girl" aka Little Debbie
and her consort or vice versa, the ever so demure Miss Aleesha.
who I'm quite sure that I do not know how to spell her name
anywhos
After a cursory round of cocktails was poured
They proceeded to con us into getting into their "automobile"
and whisk us downtown for a night of ribaldry, overall iniquity
and general nogoodnik type fun
feelin fine on a friday night
Let me tell you that "The Deputy" was in rare form***
anyways
So we hit Lovejoys just to ease into the downtown shananagans
and then we went to my new favorite bar, Jackalope
and I saw some crew that I knew and said hi and pressed fives
and Maneesh and I whipped some evildoers at pool
thrice
and by this point
without food
and with a heafty dose of sugar free Red Bull
I tell you I was in rare fucking form.
I was talkin to everybody
mostly people that didn't want to be talked to
maybe
but I was smiling and ramblin and really feelin my oats
I also remember grabbin some ass
Listen If I grabbed your ass last night
in downtown Oztin
I'm really sorry
Unless you hella liked it
in which case Imma own that shit
And we went to that horrible bar called Logans
and found the Shiner Girls who had left us in that dark den of sin, Jackalope
If you know that the Shier Girls are gonna be downtown
and you want to run into them
your safest bet is that fucking Logans
they love it there
And Maneesh and I suck it up cause we love their company
As the night progressed I can only remember less and less
but I do know that we got back to Maneesh's crib all safe as houses
and I didn't get behind the wheel of my Jeep
and thank you so much girls for driving
I'm not sure which of ya'll actually drove us home but thanks
anyways
good times
***footnote
~pompous ass bloggers goin and talkin about theyselves in the third person that really burns my breetches~
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Good Advice
Chief among my problems lately is this whole healthy equals boring thing that I have going on in my life.
If you are just joining us let me quickly recap so I can get you up to speed with the rest of the class.
In 2000 I moved to San Francisco~
Life got pretty exciting including but not limited to some heavy drug use~
I was very active and very awake in SF (if you get my drift)~
Things spiraled a little out of control~
Bridges were burned, jail cells inspected and I quit my job~
Couldn't find another job~
Shitty Economy specially in the Bay Area~
Couldn't stop sipping Crystal so I decided to come back to Austin~
It SUUUUCKED at first~
I felt like I had failed and to boot I was hella depressed~
But I stopped doing (hard) drugs~
I rebuilt my seratonin stores and I got my body back in tip-top shape~
I got a cool Graphic Design job~
I moved out of any roommate situation and I now live alone~
Which rocks~
I have a great car, a new computer, and a luscious apartment~
All my bills are paid~
My alcoholism is relatively under control~
I have a great relationship with my family~
And I am
a little bored~
I have always said that being bored is only for the bore-ing. So hopefully I can address this problem without digging another drug-infested, life-denigrating hole. And once again, for the second time in like a month, inspiration has come from the most unlikely of sources. What is this unexpected wellspring of good tidings~
Anti's Dad
who once said~
"Son, you don't know jack shit what's gonna happen. for all you know, you'll be hit by a 18 wheeler next week. DEAD. and son? you can't take it with you, live for today. get the bigger place."
That is so fucking true. I have been living like I have eighty more years to go on this dirt pile Earth and I'm like the little ant storing up grain for the winter. I need to pull a few grasshopper moves and try and live a little. Not that I haven't been having fun its just that things have been on such an even keel that I have this nagging sensation that maybe I need to
shake things up.
I only have inklings of what I need to do in order to sort this shit out, nothing concrete or specific.
What should I do?
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Cultural Obsession
If I could change one thing about our busted ass culture it would be this obsession with all things unnatural.
When I say 'obsession with all things unnatural' I mean this pervasive set of social values that places a much higher premium on unnatural traits and characteristics.
Hair color
How is a human with colored hair more beautiful than a human whose hair is its normal, natural color? I am not personally opposed to hair treatment but why are there so many people who are so bored with their natural hair color? Blondes want to go brunette and brunettes want to go blonde. People with grey hair want color and people with highlights want streaks. Its no longer good enough just to change the overall color of your hair. The fashion now seems to be a bit schizophrenic, dark streaks on blonde or light streaks on brunette. I don't judge anyone who does any of these things because the culture so heavily reinforces this need to be like or look like something you're not.
We should focus on just what God gave us. And we should turn to our brothers and sisters and remind them that they are beautiful just the way they are.
Plastic Surgery
My tits are too small. I have too much flab in this area. My butt needs implants so I can acheive that J Lo look. My tits are too big. My pecs look weak. Face lift, eye lift, collagen injections, botox, all this = bullshit.
I know it is human nature to want what you don't have or think that the grass is greener on the other side. However, the media machine in conjunction with the econmic power structure tell you day in and day out that you are imperfect and ugly as you are but don't despair cause all this can be fixed with the right amount of product combined with the optimum number of procedures, elevating the situation to a level way beyond regular dissatisfied human nature.
Fatness and Baldness
News Flash ~ As humans age their metabolism naturally slows down which naturally causes them to gain weight and some of them for various reasons lose their hair. So what should we do with that information.
Oh I know.
Let's spread a rumor that either of these conditions is repulsive and lets make sure there's no fat or bald people on TV or in movies or in magazines and lets once again make commodities out of the solutions to these problems. That way people can feel bad about themselves as they age and if they want to look good to their fellow humans they will be forced to buy our dubiously effective weight loss schemes and baldness "cures."
In Addition, lets flood the market with products that bring about these conditions prematurely. Lets fill all the food stuffs with high fructose corn syrup and lets get everybody hooked on cigarettes which will indeed speed up the balding process.
Why don't we start putting the focus on fat and bald people and say, this happens as you age and its not just OK, it great and its beautiful.
Youth
The world belongs to the young. Everybody wants to look and feel younger. Now feeling young, that's one thing, but looking young, that's a whole other bee hive and the lengths people go to look younger is ridiculous. What we should do, in the magazines and in the movies and on the Tee Vee is elevate the importance of our seniors. I'm not saying that Playboy should feature geriatric centerfolds but I do think that grey hair and wrinkled skin should be looked upon with reverence and appreciation. We should look forward to getting old and we should embrace the signs of aging not as a social crutch but as a social standard that makes us all a bit less afraid of getting old.
Feeling young is in the mind and in the heart. Looking young is foolish and vain.
This post seems a bit heavy handed and I'm not sure if I got my point across. I realize the utter futility even thinking about changing a culture. I know that something like that is not in my power. I do however need something to blog about and this is something that has been on my mind. By embracing the natural course of action I think people can be more content with their lives.
Course, I don't really think that people actually want to be happy.
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Blinky Blinkerson
Crazy thing about the Blogsphere
is that Its kind of like the Real Sphere inna lot of ways.
I mean if you take time to blink you're probably gonna miss some shit.
Like for instance. I took a little trip to see my grandparents this last weekend. I took Friday off work. So the rest of the week was kind of compact and I was busy getting stuff done so I didn't have salesman going ~
"Uh where are those signs for Race Trac," or "Hey Matteo, have you had time to get to the shazzle for this blah blah account." ~
Ya gotta stay right on top of that shit. I am in the business of making IT happen.
So as a result I didn't get all my blog reading done for the week.
Well in the damn mean time I missed some shit.
Like for instance. I totally missed getting a link from my
favorite Austin blogger. Not only did SK Smith link me but she totally told me in that post that I should go see this George Saunders lecture. I think I missed the lecture and I don't know who George Saunders is but I sure appreciate the link and from now on I will be more vigilant about stuff that My Favorite Austin Bloggers tell me to do.
And I missed enough
Raymi that my eyes are bleeding from trying to catch up in one day. And I think I love her but I haven't got up the gumption to write her about it. I know she will probably post my e-mail when I finally do write her so I gotta make sure the letter is just right and hopefully impregnable to hilarious insults.
Maneesh was all "Hey do you ever write to Raymi."
and I was all "No"
and he was all "Boy it just don't get better than her does it."
and I was all "Yep."
and it made me feel like a worthless piece of trash in that I haven't just come out and said it.
~RAYMI PARKDALE LAUREN~ I THINK I LOVE YOU
um OK... that feels better.
And then on Friday
Tony P posted this picture of
The Donnas in his weekly 'the week in rock in la" feature. And I think I have a crush on the drummer and I was at their web site and I just happen to notice that they will be playing at Emo's here in Austin in Thursday and so by sheer luck of the click I found out exactly where I need to be on Thursday.
You see you have to stay on your toes.
Don't let the Blogshere catch you half steppin
or you're finna be straight slippin.
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Drawing Blanks
Whenever somebody asks me "What's going on with you?" I have a tendency to freeze up.
Oftentimes and all of the sudden...
I can't think of a single fucking thing that is going on with me.
It makes me mad at myself for not having more to talk about.
Its bad with my family. Mainly because I have to carefully edit whatever is going on with me most of the time when I am talking to a family member ~especially mothers and grandmothers.
My Grandmother will say "what's been going on there in Austin?"
...my throat closes up and I get all hot and kinda mad. I know she is just trying to be interested in my life and It's not that I don't want to tell people what's up with me it's just that a lot of times I draw a blank. I know that there must be some stuff that is transpiring in my life but when I can't think of it I get aggitated.
Its OK at times where there really is a driving force behind by every breath and action. Like the time I was recovering from my stint in Mordor. When somebody said "What's Up?" I could answer with a solid plan of action. I would say "well I am trying to rebuild my seratonin stores that were depleted by my mad intake of club drugs during my stint in Mordor."
But during these times when I am
1. Single
2. Have all my bills paid
3. Basically just working during the week and having fun with friends on the weekends
I just have a lot less to report about what's going on with me.
Sometimes I have to try really hard to have a good attitude.
Speaking of blanking I have something to say to the Dallas Cowboys
Dear Dallas,
Please try not to make Texas look too bad tonight on Monday Night Football. There are already a lot of negative attitudes towards Texas these days and we just don't need ya'll going on MNF and making us look like a complete bunch of jackasses. If ya'll need to lose so people in Philly will feel better about having whipped Dubya's "home" team then I for one will understand.
By the way, some people have started referring to ya'll as "The Cowgirls." Maybe if ya'll would just pick yourselves up by the boot-straps and win a few games people might not be some mean with their nomenclature.
savvy?
Love,
Kidd Matteo
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The Eyes of Texas
Hooray
John Ashcroft is gone. I don't say this about many things but... I hated that fucker.
So good riddance.
But Bush has now appointed a
fellow Texan to the Attorney General post.
So here is an opportunity for some one in the cabinet to make Texas look a little better.
Or I guess the converse logic would be here is an opportunity for some one in the cabinet to make Texas look a whole lot fucking worse.
I'm pretty tired of people hating Texas. Not all Texans suck. You are just going to have to trust me on this one.
I was reading up on this
Alberto Gonzales character and things don't look so good.
Seems like he is a bit of a lap dog for ol Gee Dub.
Hope springs eternal.
update on blogging from home~
I have the machine now I just need a connection. Should be able to sort that out in a week or so.
I'm having trouble deciding...
cable or dsl?
suggestions.
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Bummer
dark days behind for this
fellow
remember the film
Soul Man
yeah,..that film sucked
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Damn
befuddled, disillusioned, disheartened
confused, saddened, surprised
baffled, bummed, beat-down
Unbefuckinglievable
I mean I guess I can believe it cause that was my
prediction.
But seriously, is that what really happened?
It was like Christmas Eve.
And I woke up and somebody had stolen all the presents out from under the tree.
Apparently things aren't always as they seem.
Like through the looking glass,
of Democracy.
yar
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I Voted
I've got one of those stickers garnishing my lapel right now.
I voted (suckas)...
I think my voting experience was pretty interesting. Kind of in the same way that carnie folk are interesting. Sort of 'please don't touch me with that mangled hand just keep the tilt-a-whirl going' scary/interesting.
I wasn't sure where to go to vote. I woke up early and went to the closest elementary school to my crib. That wasn't the right place. They were however able to tell me where to go. Precinct 462 is my number and the voting location is at 1700 South Lamar St, at the MHMR Annex, okay that's close. So I got back in my car and I went to the MHMR Annex. For those of ya'll who don't know, MHMR is a division of Texas Health and Human Services. The letters stand for Mental Health and Mental Retardation. Apparently this is the place where they do a lot of hiring at my job and judging from what went on at the polling place this is also where they got the people manning the polls.
Now I'm not trying to be mean or jugdemental or anything negative I'm just going to tell you exactly what happened when I got to this polling place. First thing that I found "interesting" was that the girl in line behind me was obviously retarded. I'm not describing her in the playground sense of retarded or even the W. sense of the word, I mean clinically in a mongoloid sense of the word the poor girl was slighly retarded. So the line is out the door at 7:30am and we are all standing out in the cold and people are passing around instructions for the electronic voting machines. The girl in front of me passes me the instruction sheet after she is finished with it. The instructions seem a little complicated. When I am done reading it I turn to the girl behind me and ask if she would like to see the instructions. She says no. She takes this quick interaction as her cue to start talking to me. She starts talking, at sort of an unregulated volume, about how she is going to vote for Bush. Then she starts saying how she didn't like it when John Kerry was saying bad things about the President. I have to say she started to make me feel a bit uncomfortable. I don't think the polls are an appropriate place for a political discussion so I just sort of shook my head in an ambiguous manner that could have been interpreted many ways. Luckily she didn't pursue her line of thought and she generally quieted down.
So then when I am finally close enough to the ballot boxes to be inside the building one of the machines created some problems. This lady was voting and she turned to one of the attendants to tell him that the battery light was flashing on the electronic voting machine. This sent all the voting attendants into a slight panic. The first dude tells another dude and he didn't know what to do so he tells another dude and that dude starts repeating in a Rainman kind of way "we gotta call the troubleshooter, yeah definitely the trouble shooter." I swear he said troubleshooter 15 times before he finally got the number from the lady who was running the main computer box. There seemed to be a lot of panic over one little battery light. They sequestered that machine and the lady got to vote on another machine. It was kind of funny but it was also kind of deeply disturbing in the sense of "Who are these fools manning the polls."
I finally got my chance to vote. It went swell. The machines were kind of confusing and the poor retarded girl was having a tough time with it. She kept having to call over one of the attendants. He would help her with one part of the ballot and step away and not two seconds later she was calling him back over saying "Sir, sir, now what do I do?"
The coolest part was that after you cast your ballot this nifty animated graphic a waving stars and stripes came up on the screen let you know that your vote had been cast.
God Bless America.
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Endorsement
Gaggaccticca County
pleasantly
endorses
John Kerry
for President.
For all those reasons that seem so obvious to us.
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